We switch on my Tom Tom GPS unit as I pull out of the parking lot. I press 'Home' and it analyzes the 500 odd routes and gives me the 'Go'. We start.
It is close to 9 PM and we haven't had dinner yet. As we drive toward the exit, I browse the 'points of interest along the route' looking for any food joint close by. Most places close by 9 PM, even on a Saturday. Folks here have 'dinner' by 6 PM and say 'good night' by 7. It is past 'bedtime' in this city; the 'unholy' hours. So with little time to spare, we hurriedly browse the list of available options within 2 miles of our location. Between sushi bars and steak houses, our chances do not look very bright. As we enter the road and circle the first round-about, we see a TGI Fridays to the right. My co-passenger makes a half-hearted attempt at forcing me to turn. As always, indecision prevails. That split second makes the difference between life and 'the dark ride through hell'. I miss the turn. Had I made that turn, I wouldn't be writing today.
I miss the turn. We drive on and look at the 'points of interest along the route' once again. A few unfamiliar American and Italian restaurants show up. We see a Chilis to the left. No road going left. We see a pizza joint to the left. No road going left. We drive on at 15 miles below the speed limit, as cars pass me with frustrated bursts of acceleration. Clearly I am pushing them over the edge. We amble on with rising trepidation.
Shortly, shops and businesses are replaced by dark, barren parks and reflections that indicate the presence of large bodies of water. Soon after, we take the highway and I step on the gas.
On the expressway, I frantically search the available food joints in my GPS for the tenth time. Suddenly another 'TGI Fridays' pops up. 2 miles to go. Yipee! My heart leaps with joy, for we are about to 'feast'! The poor soul sitting beside me eats at 8 PM everyday; its close to 9:30 PM, no food yet. I select 'TGI Fridays' and let Tom Tom guide me.
A couple of minutes later, on the highway at 55 miles an hour, the GPS blurts out 'You have reached your destination!'. I stare blankly at the GPS, trying to comprehend what just happened. There it is hanging on my windshield staring back at me with a triumphant smirk. I look around. I am on a flyover, with an acceleration lane merging onto my right. Curse Tom Tom for their practical jokes. Two hungry souls are hanging on to that blasted software for survival, and here it is; 'reached your destination' on a god forsaken highway.
I figure it could have been my mistake. So we pull over and re-do the whole points-of-interest thing. We turn back and start all over again. Sure enough! At the same exact location on the highway; the dumb thing announces - 'You have reached your destination!'. Mission aborted with bonus curses to the Tom Tom.
6 miles after, we take a food exit; both of us clearly desperate for any sign of food. With rotten luck, we find a closed 24-hour Burger King. So we track down a Friendly's and eat; we eat what we come to term as 'food', bread and lettuce. The cows refused to eat it. So we do. Thank god for fiesty cows, This is the best and most successful part of this story. Now begins horror. We follow Tom Tom out of Friendly's and toward home. It starts with a four lane road, well lit; no vehicles at this hour. At the end of the road, we make a turn.
It opens into a small two lane road, just wide enough to fit my 2001 Toyota Corolla (its slightly wider than the Beetle, in case you didn't know). Road lights recede behind us. It is a bright night; a day after full moon. The sky is lit up, and the man in the moon watches over us. However the dense foliage on either side of the road blocks out any trace of moonlight. We plummet into darkness; the only beam of white coming from my car. The low beam of bright light creates a stark contrast of white and black. Everything within the beam is bright white. Anything just outside is pitch black. This is some kind of high-density impenetrable darkness, too thick for light to illuminate. At any other time, this drive would have been a happy memory. Today it is a nightmare. We drive into an endless abyss, totally clueless.
The night closes in on us as we drive on the one and only road available. It feels like some crazy zombie movie - an insignificant soul walks with a torch light in pitch dark; with horrifying suddenness, a figure passes into and out of the light and drags the guy along; the camera falls to the ground and a suggestive blood curdling scream follows. We meander indefinitely, through narrow roads that look like they haven't been used in a long time. By now, the co-passenger is beginning to lose patience.
Briefly the road begins to descend and I step on the brakes. At a small clearing a sign board reads - 'Single lane bridge. Cross with caution'. We are down from two lanes to one. The world is getting smaller; from express-way to one lane at an alarming rate. Another car approaches the bridge from the other end; the first car we see after dinner. I flash the high beam and signal him to pass. We clear the bridge hoping for some sign of life ahead. The only life is a racoon crossing the road in panic.
We continue to wind along the dark recesses of this unknown world. We pass a dimly lit mansion that looks like a haunted house from 1960. Slowly more mansions come into view. All look alike; all look haunted. This place is probably called 'Gateways To Hell'. Ours is called 'Gateways Apartments'. A couple of minutes later a second single-lane bridge appears. As I cross the bridge,the road rises steeply, bending sharply at the same time. I realize I needed a 4x4 to navigate this terrain. And I would probably be able to run down any passing zombies too. As I make my nth sharp turn, I see a bright fluorescent yellow board with black letters that reads: 'ROAD ENDS. NO OUTLET'.
This is the end of the road for us. Literally. We have officially reached the last point of earth and there is no going further. We are in Davy Jones' Locker with no rock crabs to put our car back on the highway. I can already imagine myself running around my car looking for a peanut. An alternate ending: we make a U-turn and try to drive back. The GPS is insistent that we turn back but we know there is no way out. We wander around aimlessly but no highway shows itself. We are lost in a labyrinth of one lane roads that all lead to dead ends. We ramble on in 'middle earth' for centuries; and then we find 'The Ring'.
As my fantasies shuttle between the end of the world and limitless power, I notice a road going left; no lanes, steeply falling. I carefully make the turn and step on the brakes as my car rolls gleefully down the slope. We reach the base of the slope; to a welcome sight. Lights!
This is the biggest event in our lives after The Big Bang. We exchange congratulations and celebrate the moment. The two lane road looks really big and wide, and bright. We make the right and push on with new found enthusiasm. For we are returning to civilization. More lights come into focus. A second car comes into view. Then more. A revelation hits us as my co-passenger announces with finality: "That's our library to the right!" With supreme self confidence, I shut down the GPS which is now suggesting I make another left into the jungle. The drive thereon is the best drive ever; everything is familiar, everything is predictable.
Home sweet home.
On the expressway, I frantically search the available food joints in my GPS for the tenth time. Suddenly another 'TGI Fridays' pops up. 2 miles to go. Yipee! My heart leaps with joy, for we are about to 'feast'! The poor soul sitting beside me eats at 8 PM everyday; its close to 9:30 PM, no food yet. I select 'TGI Fridays' and let Tom Tom guide me.
A couple of minutes later, on the highway at 55 miles an hour, the GPS blurts out 'You have reached your destination!'. I stare blankly at the GPS, trying to comprehend what just happened. There it is hanging on my windshield staring back at me with a triumphant smirk. I look around. I am on a flyover, with an acceleration lane merging onto my right. Curse Tom Tom for their practical jokes. Two hungry souls are hanging on to that blasted software for survival, and here it is; 'reached your destination' on a god forsaken highway.
I figure it could have been my mistake. So we pull over and re-do the whole points-of-interest thing. We turn back and start all over again. Sure enough! At the same exact location on the highway; the dumb thing announces - 'You have reached your destination!'. Mission aborted with bonus curses to the Tom Tom.
6 miles after, we take a food exit; both of us clearly desperate for any sign of food. With rotten luck, we find a closed 24-hour Burger King. So we track down a Friendly's and eat; we eat what we come to term as 'food', bread and lettuce. The cows refused to eat it. So we do. Thank god for fiesty cows, This is the best and most successful part of this story. Now begins horror. We follow Tom Tom out of Friendly's and toward home. It starts with a four lane road, well lit; no vehicles at this hour. At the end of the road, we make a turn.
It opens into a small two lane road, just wide enough to fit my 2001 Toyota Corolla (its slightly wider than the Beetle, in case you didn't know). Road lights recede behind us. It is a bright night; a day after full moon. The sky is lit up, and the man in the moon watches over us. However the dense foliage on either side of the road blocks out any trace of moonlight. We plummet into darkness; the only beam of white coming from my car. The low beam of bright light creates a stark contrast of white and black. Everything within the beam is bright white. Anything just outside is pitch black. This is some kind of high-density impenetrable darkness, too thick for light to illuminate. At any other time, this drive would have been a happy memory. Today it is a nightmare. We drive into an endless abyss, totally clueless.
The night closes in on us as we drive on the one and only road available. It feels like some crazy zombie movie - an insignificant soul walks with a torch light in pitch dark; with horrifying suddenness, a figure passes into and out of the light and drags the guy along; the camera falls to the ground and a suggestive blood curdling scream follows. We meander indefinitely, through narrow roads that look like they haven't been used in a long time. By now, the co-passenger is beginning to lose patience.
Briefly the road begins to descend and I step on the brakes. At a small clearing a sign board reads - 'Single lane bridge. Cross with caution'. We are down from two lanes to one. The world is getting smaller; from express-way to one lane at an alarming rate. Another car approaches the bridge from the other end; the first car we see after dinner. I flash the high beam and signal him to pass. We clear the bridge hoping for some sign of life ahead. The only life is a racoon crossing the road in panic.
We continue to wind along the dark recesses of this unknown world. We pass a dimly lit mansion that looks like a haunted house from 1960. Slowly more mansions come into view. All look alike; all look haunted. This place is probably called 'Gateways To Hell'. Ours is called 'Gateways Apartments'. A couple of minutes later a second single-lane bridge appears. As I cross the bridge,the road rises steeply, bending sharply at the same time. I realize I needed a 4x4 to navigate this terrain. And I would probably be able to run down any passing zombies too. As I make my nth sharp turn, I see a bright fluorescent yellow board with black letters that reads: 'ROAD ENDS. NO OUTLET'.
This is the end of the road for us. Literally. We have officially reached the last point of earth and there is no going further. We are in Davy Jones' Locker with no rock crabs to put our car back on the highway. I can already imagine myself running around my car looking for a peanut. An alternate ending: we make a U-turn and try to drive back. The GPS is insistent that we turn back but we know there is no way out. We wander around aimlessly but no highway shows itself. We are lost in a labyrinth of one lane roads that all lead to dead ends. We ramble on in 'middle earth' for centuries; and then we find 'The Ring'.
As my fantasies shuttle between the end of the world and limitless power, I notice a road going left; no lanes, steeply falling. I carefully make the turn and step on the brakes as my car rolls gleefully down the slope. We reach the base of the slope; to a welcome sight. Lights!
This is the biggest event in our lives after The Big Bang. We exchange congratulations and celebrate the moment. The two lane road looks really big and wide, and bright. We make the right and push on with new found enthusiasm. For we are returning to civilization. More lights come into focus. A second car comes into view. Then more. A revelation hits us as my co-passenger announces with finality: "That's our library to the right!" With supreme self confidence, I shut down the GPS which is now suggesting I make another left into the jungle. The drive thereon is the best drive ever; everything is familiar, everything is predictable.
Home sweet home.
