Sleepy.........
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Last week, I went to an audition. It was for "Rendezvous", my company's cultural event. I am a guitarist. But unfortunately, I did not give the audition at all, inspite of waiting for my turn, for about three hours.
I am surprised to find how frightened i still am, of the stage. I just came back, without even attempting to persuade that lady to listen to my performance. I agree there was not much purpose to my visit left. They dont encourage bands. And so it happened that i was left with the option of playing as a solo guitarist, and instrumentalists would be called on availability basis. But still, where is my self-esteem. And self-confidence. And self-respect. whatever you may call it. I stood there for about three hours and then came back looking stupid. I could have given a performance, just for the waiting that i underwent.
I am surprised, that even though I tried so hard to push myself, to go and do it; to take the plunge just once, something inside pulled me back. It was like a chain, binding my soul to "go quietly into that good night". I have thought over it. It seems to me that I am pertified by the thought that they are going to judge me.
Yes. I have to admit. I am afraid of rejection. I feel like i am waging a war never to be won.
I am trying.
I am surprised to find how frightened i still am, of the stage. I just came back, without even attempting to persuade that lady to listen to my performance. I agree there was not much purpose to my visit left. They dont encourage bands. And so it happened that i was left with the option of playing as a solo guitarist, and instrumentalists would be called on availability basis. But still, where is my self-esteem. And self-confidence. And self-respect. whatever you may call it. I stood there for about three hours and then came back looking stupid. I could have given a performance, just for the waiting that i underwent.
I am surprised, that even though I tried so hard to push myself, to go and do it; to take the plunge just once, something inside pulled me back. It was like a chain, binding my soul to "go quietly into that good night". I have thought over it. It seems to me that I am pertified by the thought that they are going to judge me.
Yes. I have to admit. I am afraid of rejection. I feel like i am waging a war never to be won.
I am trying.
Monday, November 01, 2004
I've been thinking.....
I've been thinking about a new guitar. I am yet to decide what I am going to buy, an acoustic or an electric. An electric guitar will bring along a lot of accessories. Speaker, cords, etc. Heck! I don't even know all of them! Then there will be connections to make, and it might take up lot of power. And oh! What if the power goes?
An acoustic guitar is 'short and sweet'. Almost zero maintenance. Pick and play. Portable. Why would one go for an electric guitar at home? I might still go for one, for, it feels quite different playing an electric guitar. The effects are simply too good to ignore. But then, it comes back to the very same thing I have been talking about. All those etceteras that it brings along. Painful, keeping them in order (pretty lazy, huh?).
In my musings, I remain.
An acoustic guitar is 'short and sweet'. Almost zero maintenance. Pick and play. Portable. Why would one go for an electric guitar at home? I might still go for one, for, it feels quite different playing an electric guitar. The effects are simply too good to ignore. But then, it comes back to the very same thing I have been talking about. All those etceteras that it brings along. Painful, keeping them in order (pretty lazy, huh?).
In my musings, I remain.
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