Ambushed!!!

I could hear them hovering at a distance. The faint buzz was unmistakable. I managed to pull myself out of the recesses of my sleep and it was then that I noticed. The sounds were not the sound of some far off enemy drones; it was the sound of bees!!! About fifteen bees had made their way into the bathroom and were buzzing around in the darkness. I groped for the light switch. My first sight, as the light spread through the room, was a battalion of bees coming straight at me. I felt like that guy out of the Michael Crichton novel ‘Prey’; his micro-robots come attacking in a swarm of black dust; an invincible quarry. As I was reveling in the heroic character, I realized that they were going for the light. I stepped away from the bulb and they converged on it trying to get inside; ramming it with all they’d had. I observed that they were growing in number, even as I was watching them go about their act.

I stepped out of the bathroom; I had no choice. I realized that I wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer, though. Well, I thought, so be it. I stepped in again and made my way to the ‘hot seat’. I tried to make haste, but you know how these things are! The more I pushed forward, the more it pulled back. And so I came back out again, quite desperate and certainly more annoyed. It’s going to be a great day.

I sat at the front door, wondering what to do next. I glanced at the beehive that is still mounted on my front door grill. I had tried to demolish that one the previous night, in vain of course. It still stays on stubbornly; the bees go round and round the hive, happily, gleefully. Maybe this was some kind of punishment nature was subjecting me to, for having tried something so heinous. I realized that they will never leave the bathroom unless I force them to! And considering the logistics of this operation, I would be risking having to take them head on. I switched off the light and closed the bathroom door. I began the long wait; for dawn.

As I sat there in the darkness, I could feel the dawn growing and with it, a growing sense of hope. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad when its day. But I had no idea how bad it was going to get. At 6 a.m. after about an hour’s wait, I slowly opened the door of the bathroom. I looked around and found them shortly, on the window net, right opposite to where I was standing. It was then that I saw a larger, bulkier creation through the window. It was a kind of slow, steady, zigzag movement which I couldn’t quite comprehend. Then it dawned on me, painfully. Another beehive! Right next to the window!

I stood for a long moment, staring at god’s creation; then turned and went back into my living room. This was bad! This was worse than bad! Fifteen bees were formidable; a hundred and fifty was abominable! I stood in the middle of the room, totally numb and considerably shaken. I saw the time; ten minutes past six. I don’t know how long I stood there, but after what seemed like eternity, I went back towards the bathroom, my steps more certain. They had to be lured out, toward the door of the bathroom and then out, or be driven out, which didn’t seem quite possible.

I looked around, not sure what I was looking for. My eyes fell on the water below and a thought struck me. I picked up the mug and filled it with water. I stood at the bathroom door, preparing to run as soon as I am done. With a giant heave, I threw the water towards the window, and ran for dear life. Standing at the far end of the living room, I waited. Nothing happened. Another long moment passed. Nothing. The silence was louder than ever before. I put one step toward the bathroom door, then another, and another. I reached the door of the bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest.

The bees would be reeling under such an aquatic assault, and they would try to get away from the wet net as fast as possible. When they would find that there was no way they were getting through that net, they would use ‘logic’, and come toward the door and then out. And then I would somehow find each one of them and drive them out of my den. That was how the plan was! I peeked in.

There they were all right! Right where I had left them; on the net, the stupid creatures, prancing around happily. They hadn’t moved an inch! The only thing that had moved was the water; thrown right out of the window, for no apparent reason! I leaned against the wall, looking for my next weapon of assault. Thirty minutes past six. It was getting brighter by the minute; the bathroom as dark as ever, pushing the bees to the light; willing the bees to go to the net, away from me. So then, nature was against me as well!

I could only see their silhouette on the net against the clear blue sky. I switched on the light again to get a better look. They were more in number than when I had first seen them. There were more on the window frame which I noticed only in the light. There they were, all at the net, playing, dancing, making merry. And here I was: quivering, intimidated, outnumbered, trying, planning, scheming to somehow get out of this alive; a sorry sight. As I looked on, not knowing what to do next, one of them approached the light. He sat on the wall, just below the light bulb, savouring his little bright yellow sun. I darted into the living room and grabbed a thick newspaper. I came back to the door as fast as possible, not wanting to lose him, folding the paper as I did. He was still there, lost in his own world.

I took position, and dealt my first blow. It caught him squarely on the head. Phew! One down. And I didn’t know how many more to go. I waited for more of them to make the same mistake. Another approached the light bulb, more cautiously than the first one. Must they be warning each other? I didn’t know that either; I didn’t care, as long as they came to the light bulb. I swung again. Another man down. And then they stopped coming all together, as if they’d sensed my presence. For another five to ten minutes, they stayed clear of the light bulb. Then another came, and another. I swung twice. Four down.

Four, no more. They stayed on the net, as if sure of their safety, and of course very close to their brethren on the ‘other side’. There were about six to eight still sitting on the net, stubbornly. I ran out of options yet again. I weighed the chances of hitting them as they were on the net. But they were scattered on the net and moving all the time. Even if I swung, I would get one of them, maybe two. But the rest of them would be alerted, and then maybe, god knows, come attacking. So to swing at the net, I had to be sure that I get as many of them as possible. That meant just one shot.

I moved in closer to the net and waited. They were quite cleverly staying clear of one another, so as to exceed the range of destruction of my ‘missile’. I waited a little more, for the right moment. They would converge at a point, a couple of times, but before I could bring myself to swing, they would go apart. I couldn’t take it any more. They came back around again, and this time, four of them converged at the centre of the net. It was now or never! I swung, and moved back in panic in case any one of them was to come stinging. Nothing came, so I moved back to survey the extent of damage my ‘missile’ had caused. I had gotten all four of them. Now I felt braver, having demolished most of their army. A couple still walked the net, oblivious to the blows. I swung again and found my mark both times.

I won! I had successfully vanquished the enemy, without any casualties. I went out of the bathroom, covered with sweat, congratulating myself on my victory. I had saved the pride of the human race, by single handedly defeating the enemy.

I set about cleaning the bathroom. I removed the ‘dead’, and set them outside the house, to be given a proper burial, a soldier’s burial; by mother-nature of course.

The battle has been won, but the war is far from over.

Till then I shall remain…